The Breakup

Friends, I'm excited to share that I actually got some rest last night!! I went to sleep happy and grateful. Worry free and got the BEST sleep I've had in a pretty long time. I've been so scared to do this with you, to tell you all my life changes, my fears, my mistakes, my issues but to sit here and have you think that all is well on my end would be a fat LIE because although im grateful for LIFE im still in my healing process, just taking one day at a time. I don't know what tomorrow holds and neither do you but I hope we can start living each day with at least a happy heart. Lately, I have been "sleeping my life away" and I've been using every excuse in the book as to why. Could be laziness, could be depression, could be lack of sleep, could be that our babies aren't home much so more free time for my husband and I, could be that my body is actually tired and traumatized from all the shit it has been through, who knows?! But, what I do know is that i'm tired of being tired. I did tell my husband that I wanted to give myself the rest of the year to get out of this funk but there goes another excuse, why wait right?

I was chatting with a breast cancer survivor and she told me that after chemo she had a hard time adjusting to a new routine of life and I'm starting to feel exactly what she meant. What do I do now that the chemo is over? One would think to keep moving on with life and never look back, like an ugly breakup but in reality it's starting to feel like an ugly breakup with a kid involved. Meaning that my tumor(the ex) never really goes away lol. So, I feel like I'm in a co parent situation with my tumor who is no longer in me but we share something that bonds us together forever. Hear me out. Life was great pre cancer(new relationship), then we had a baby(lump), broke up(surgeries), got back together(chemoTHERAPY), realized it's really not working and we just weren't meant to be(more surgeries), ended things completely(last day of chemo), moved on and started dating new people(new boobs who dis), child care(cancer isnt free), the child(the body) that we have to take care of to make sure it is happy and healthy after the breakup. See what I mean...

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